Tell Me Lies
by Immi
Summary: Catherine goes over to Sara's to apologize, only to find she's too late. CathSara. Angsty.


Disclaimer: I honestly own nothing. What? No mourners?

AN: With the way I've been writing lately, this shouldn't surprise many... I think.

* * *

I can't believe I said those things to her. The second I said them, I wanted to take them back with all my heart. But I didn't.

Because I was too damn stubborn.

I shake my head. Thinking about what happened isn't going to solve anything. I'm here to fix things, and if I keep staring at her door, there is no way that's going to happen.

And yet I can't knock on her door.

I don't know why. My hand simply refuses to move.

My entire body is trembling, and I have no idea why.

Well great. This sucks.

I can lash out at her at any time- for any reason.

But when it comes to actually trying to fix things between us, I just stand here and wonder what the hell I was thinking.

I insulted her.

The way she worked, the way she acted.

I told her I hated her.

That I couldn't stand the sight of her.

Why did I do that? What possessed me to say those things?

I love her, and yet I can't seem to stop hurting her.

I can't even remember what set me off. Though seeing Gil stare at her when she came in last night probably didn't help.

All I know is that I had never hated myself more than I had at that moment.

After I said… all of that… she just looked at me. Like she didn't know what she was hearing.

Her hands were shaking, and her eyes were starting to tear up.

Then, a second after I started to realize what I had done, she was gone. Just… gone. I wanted to run out of the lab and catch up to her. Apologize. I don't know- anything.

But I didn't. I was too shocked at my own actions.

And now I'm standing outside her apartment. Too afraid to knock on her door. Too afraid to see her look at me with hatred in her eyes.

No matter what I said, I don't think I could bear it if she hated me. My heart would just break right there if that happened.

I sigh and rub at my eyes. I really screwed this up.

I press my head to her door as burning rubber reaches my ears.

What the hell?

Greg's down in the parking lot dashing out of his car like a bat out of hell. He doesn't even pause to take out his keys or to close the door. He just runs up the stairs, taking several at a time.

Did something happen?"

"Greg-"

"Out of the way Catherine- now! Move!"

His hands are shaking as he bangs on Sara's door. Any harder and he'll knock it down.

"Sara! Open the door! Please open the damn door! Sara!"

A chill runs down my spine at his words. What's going on?

Greg pulls a key out of his pocket and practically throws it into the lock. After a few hasty jerks, the door opens, and Greg runs inside.

Oh God… Oh God, please let her be okay…

I follow him into the apartment, but I half to choke back a sob when we reach the bathroom.

No… no… Please no…

Sara's just sitting there. On the floor. Covered in blood.

No… No… this can't be happening. This can't be- fucking- happening!

I just walk over to her body and collapse next to her. I don't know if I'm crying yet, but if not I will soon.

How… how could this have happened? How can Sara be…

No. She's not dead. She's the most stubborn person I know. She's not dead.

She can't be dead. I love her. I need her. I don't think… how am I supposed to live if Sara's not alive?

I lean over and hug her close to my chest, sobbing desperately. This has to be a bad dream. She can't die thinking I hate her! She has to be alive!

"Catherine… you need to let go."

I look over, and through my tears I see Grissom standing there. How can he talk about contaminating the crime scene when… What's wrong with him? What the hell is wrong with him?

Greg walks over to me and places his head on my shoulder. He's still crying.

"Cath… You should… you should really go home… check your phone messages… your sister already picked up Lindsey…"

I nod and feel a new round of sobs shake through my body. But I just can't let go of her. I can't leave Sara on the floor… like any other crime scene.

Greg tears me away gently and gets me to his car.

God, the door's still open. He left the door open the whole time. How long were we even in there? Feels like forever.

I can't believe… this has to be some nightmare. I just have to wake up. No sweat, right? Just… just pinch myself.

"We're at your house, Cath."

I look at Greg dumbly. What the hell is he waiting for?

He jumps out of the car and grabs me from the passenger side. What now? What's so important now? Sara's… Sara's not here. How am I supposed to think about anything else?

We get inside, and he leads me to my answering machine. One new message. Right. Great. Wonderful. Just fucking fantastic.

Greg reaches out a hand a presses 'Play'.

I swear my heart starts to beat again when I hear her voice.

"Hey… Catherine. It's… it's Sara. You probably already knew that. Caller ID and everything. Probably why you didn't pick up. I just called to say…"

She stops, and I hear muted sobs coming from here. Oh God. How am I supposed to listen to this?

I turn to Greg. He needs to stop the tape. I can't listen to this. I already lost her… I can't listen to this…

"I love you, Cath. And… knowing that you hate me… I can't deal with that. Whatever I did… whatever happened to make you hate me… I am so sorry…"

I clamp a hand over my mouth and try to ignore the tears rolling over it.

I look down at the time she called.

No. Oh God, no. This can't be happening. Tell me this is all just a bad dream. Tell me that I'll wake up to find Sara in my arms… breathing.

She was still alive when I got to her apartment.

All I had to do was knock on her damn door, and she'd be alive.

Greg catches me when I collapse down to the floor crying my eyes out.

I killed her. I killed the woman I loved.

I reach a hand down and pinch my leg.

No.

This just can't be real.

Tell me this isn't real.


End file.
